


far out of reach

by cheska12



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Emotional, F/M, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Sad, Soulmates, um i am running out of ideas HELP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-15 15:53:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28691244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheska12/pseuds/cheska12
Summary: some days you feel sad without knowing why. as if you lost something very precious that you forgot, or like you miss someone you’ve never met.
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Reader, Armin Arlert/You, Armin/Reader, Armin/You
Kudos: 5





	1. void

**Author's Note:**

> you are a mystery to me, yet so familiar. like a song i’ve never heard before, and a tune i’ve known my entire life.  
> \- pavana
> 
> this story is inspired by [this song](https://youtu.be/d_HlPboLRL8) !

maybe, _i wasn’t meant to be born in this_ _world_.

_“GET UP YOU BITCH, this never would’ve happened to me if you never existed! it’s your fault, everything- it’s all YOUR FAULT!! you’re the reason why my life is miserable. GO FUCK YOURSELF!”_

my father’s words kept replaying inside my head, over and over and over again. i sigh, and take out my phone to check the time, **8:30 pm** it read. i make my way out of the coffee shop and head back to my dorm.

i go inside my dorm room. i take out my notebook and start doodling randomly as boredom got the best of me, and again, as usual i remember my past. 

—

 _“it’s gonna be okay, y/n. please, stay strong for me. it’s gonna be okay, i promise.”_ those were my mother’s last words to me as she died peacefully on her hospital bed.

i was 9 when my mother passed away, my parents got divorced when i was 7, i didn’t understand why they had to, back then, but looking back at it now, i never noticed that they both fell out of love for each other. my mother took care of me and loved me dearly, just like any mother would to her child. she took me out to play on saturdays, she would braid my hair when i asked her to, she would read me bedtime stories, tuck me in, and give me a kiss. 

she told me that she loved flowers, any type of flower, she said she didn’t care if it looked pleasant or not, _“after all, flowers have their own uniqueness, that’s what makes me love it.”_ she’d say. i adored her very much, i looked up to her more than anyone in this world, she was very pretty, she had h/c hair, and beautiful e/c orbs. people would say i am a spitting image of her, and i was glad to hear that.

but my once happy paradise disappeared when my mother became ill. i didn’t have any relatives living near us, but they sent my mother a decent amount of money occasionally. but since the money wasn’t enough to pay all the bills we needed, i had to work a few part time jobs at the young age of 11. i would babysit everyday and earn 10$, but that wasn’t enough, i convinced a coffee shop to hire me as a waitress, and my effort definitely paid off.

i managed to buy all the things my mother needed. until one day, the doctors told me that her body would no longer react to the medicine, and at that point my mother would no longer have a chance to live. all i could to was cry. cry like there was no tomorrow, i would curse at myself. and so, my mom passed away. i cried, but what good would come out of it? certainly nothing, and on the day she was buried, i placed a daisy on top of her grave, at that moment i felt lonely, like there was no hope at all, devoid of any emotion.

i was then taken to my father’s household, at first it felt uncomfortable- it reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke, but as time went by it became bearable. 

my father, at first he was okay, he would throw insults at me here and there, at first it hurt, but the more he did so, the more it felt normal to me. he didn’t care not one single bit about me, he spent half of his days at the bar, and he’d come home drunk, he’d beat me up and stop till he felt satisfied with the damage he’s done to me. 

there was a time when he came home very drunk, he barged in my door and grabbed me by the collar, slamming me to the very corner of my room, he’d kick me on my tummy, breaking a few ribs, he’d punch me in the face until my eyes went purple and my lips swollen and bleeding, he’d pull my hair and drag me like some kind of animal, he’d throw insults, rant at me- telling me i was the reason why he and my mother divorced. _“YOU NEVER SHOULD’VE EXISTED!!”_ he used to say. he’d blame me for my mother’s death, and every miserable thing in his life.

at first i’d cry because it hurt, but the pain that he gave me soon became numb, every punch he’d throw at me became numb, every scratch he’d leave on me became numb, everything he did to me was numb, no pain, just numb. 

some people might say that i’ve lost all hope, and the truth was i thought i did, i always had this feeling, a strange one- that is. this feeling, i realised had been lingering inside me for i don’t know how long, but i know, it’s always been there. 

it’s like, i’m always searching for something, for someone, could it be a dream i must have had i can never recall.


	2. significant things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> filler chapter :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alsoo it’s been quite awhile since i posted, i was very busy with schoolwork and just had no motivation to make fics and at the same time had to make edits!! i actually have a plan for this story im just too lazy to actually do it, but i will eventually be updating, some time soon!! :))

you jolt up out of bed to the sound of your annoying alarm clock, “ _right it’s monday today”_ you mumble groggily as you get lazily get out of bed, not in the mood of getting up so early.

you go the bathroom to prep yourself up for the day, only to be greeted by a disgusting sight at the mirror: you. 

you roll your eyes as you noticed that your hair is once again tangled up in knots, _“i should condition more often.”_ but you were to lazy to do so and ended up just brushing it like you usually do, after what seemed like an eternity of carefully untangling those hair strands as to make sure it wouldn’t be painful, you were finally done and continued on with the usual, today you decided to wear a black sweater vest with a white polo on the inside and corduroy pants for the bottom.

you made your way out of your apartment— sun kissing your face as you walked to the local university in which you studied in, thankfully it was near your place so you had less money to spend.

as you arrive you were greeted by your friend Victoria who was also your only friend in the whole school. “hey y/n!” she greets- aggressively waving her hands when she was only just a few meters away from you, although you weren’t surprised nor bothered by it, both of you made your way into the university, the sight of students before you, someone typing an essay which was most likely due the next day or maybe in a minute, some girl crying because she’d embarrass herself from last night’s frat party, college _is_ in-fact eventful for some unlike you.

after an hour of hearing your history teacher talk about fallen civilisations all of you were instructed to read a book about history of any kind and make a report about it in two weeks, she had advised all of you to start reading after class ends but as usual no one bothered to do so because they were all busy with whatever relevant or irrelevant situation they were in, and as for you, well you decided to start right after history period ended to get it over with, after searching for what seemed like an eternity in the library, you made up your mind to get a book from the “Unidentified History Books” section where- as the name suggests, unidentified books are sorted into.

the book you had chosen had no title whatsoever in the front, no author, not even a date if publication, it was odd but nevertheless it piqued your interest. as you flip through the pages you noticed it was either smudged or ripped which made you frustrated, but surprisingly there was one page that was neither smudged nor ripped, it was in perfect condition, _“finally.”_ you sigh, there was a picture of a great field and farther along the field was a wall, a huge one, but then to your utter disappointment there was no information about it, looking at the picture again, there was something weird about it, something so familiar, as if you’ve seen it before- although you were certain you hadn’t— you never once travelled to different places in your life, so why did this picture feel so familiar? “ _it’s such an old picture though, it’s possible it could be demolished by now.”_ you thought, curiosity filling you, you decided to bring it back to your apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in a world  
> full of  
> temporary things
> 
> you are  
> a perpetual  
> feeling.  
> -sanober khan


	3. anémoie?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey!! so um i finally got myself to write a chap, i felt motivated after listening to a couple of songs and lol yes here i am! sorry if it’s boring i’m trying to brainstorm a couple of ideas for the next few chapters to come!

still thinking about the book you got earlier from the school library, you decide to look up any relevant information about it on the internet, not just for your presentation but for your own curiosity as well, after scanning the book for possible words that you could type in to help you find it immediately— there was not a single word in the book, not even a letter. 

so you ended up searching for  **“historical wall”** which didn’t make sense, but it was the closest description you could think of, websites started popping out in the screen, scanning each and everyone of them, clicking on one of the pages- you hoped that at least a single sentence would be shown.

as the page finally finished loading, a picture of the one from the book was on the site and a few words on the bottom left corner,  **_“Walls, estimated to be 50 ft, location: not stated.”_ **

reading the last three words disappointed you, “Not even a location.” you said sternly slight annoyance in your tone, you sigh and close your laptop, laying down and staring at the ceiling, hands reaching out for something non-existent.

_ “What am I even doing, it’s just a project anyway, nothing special.” _ you thought, strangely enough this picture was odd in so many ways, it doesn’t have a location, no information about it, but a picture that seems to be way older than the old lady across your apartment, but there was also something oddly familiar about the picture,  _ what was it? _ you didn’t know, but it was there for sure.

“Have i seen it, from a trip?” no, you were sure you hadn’t seen it from a trip, you barely went on any back then because your family wasn’t able to do so, with the lack of money your parents had, the only trip you’ve ever been to was a trip to the local museum with artefacts from a time capsule found 2 decades ago by some family hiking in the woods, and until now none of them are professionally restored.

you were certain you’ve seen it, no doubt. if you were certain about one thing then it was this wall, this wall that makes no sense, but at the same time it does, a memory buried deep within the depths of your busy mind,  _ has it been lived? _ or  _ to be relived? _ stupid questions that made no sense but you want to answer so badly.

more thoughts start to pour in your head, one more confusing than the other, and with that your eyes become heavier and heavier until you finally slept.


	4. anémoie?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hey!! so um i finally got myself to write a chap, i felt motivated after listening to a couple of songs and lol yes here i am! sorry if it’s boring i’m trying to brainstorm a couple of ideas for the next few chapters to come!

still thinking about the book you got earlier from the school library, you decide to look up any relevant information about it on the internet, not just for your presentation but for your own curiosity as well, after scanning the book for possible words that you could type in to help you find it immediately— there was not a single word in the book, not even a letter. 

so you ended up searching for  **“historicalwall”** which didn’t make sense, but it was the closest description you could think of, websites started popping out in the screen, scanning each and everyone of them, clicking on one of the pages- you hoped that at least a single sentence would be shown.

as the page finally finished loading, a picture of the one from the book was on the site and a few words on the bottom left corner,  **_“Walls, estimated to be 50 ft, location: not stated.”_ **

reading the last three words disappointed you, “Not even a location.” you said sternly slight annoyance in your tone, you sigh and close your laptop, laying down and staring at the ceiling, hands reaching out for something non-existent.

_ “What am I even doing, it’s just a project anyway, nothing special.” _ you thought, strangely enough this picture was odd in so many ways, it doesn’t have a location, no information about it, but a picture that seems to be way older than the old lady across your apartment, but there was also something oddly familiar about the picture,  _ what was it? _ you didn’t know, but it was there for sure.

“Have i seen it, from a trip?” no, you were sure you hadn’t seen it from a trip, you barely went on any back then because your family wasn’t able to do so, with the lack of money your parents had, the only trip you’ve ever been to was a trip to the local museum with artefacts from a time capsule found 2 decades ago by some family hiking in the woods, and until now none of them are professionally restored.

you were certain you’ve seen it, no doubt. if you were certain about one thing then it was this wall, this wall that makes no sense, but at the same time it does, a memory buried deep within the depths of your busy mind,  _ has it been lived? _

or  _ to be relived? _ stupid questions that made no sense but you want to answer so badly.

more thoughts start to pour in your head, one more confusing than the other, and with that your eyes become heavier and heavier until you finally slept.

**Author's Note:**

> do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences.


End file.
